Sunset & Skyline

Hi. I’m in the valley right now. Just being honest. I’m in that season of life where it feels like the God you love dearly is far away, and you aren’t sure why you feel that way, but you press into Him regardless. Yeah; I’m pressing right now and it’s tiring. I think a big part of this can be chalked up to the fact that in my busyness, I tend to neglect that daily time spent alone with Him and the word. Church, we need that. If we want to know Him and live for Him, we need fellowship with Him. That’s pretty reasonable, which makes me wonder why it’s so hard sometimes. Why should schedule and daily logistics be in the forefront?

What I have noticed about myself is that in times like these, spent in the dryness of a spiritual valley, I press. I hunger for the word and for time with Him because I WANT to feel Him again. I long for that warmness and affirmation that only He can bring to my soul. But it’s funny….how did I get to this valley in the first place? I know there are ups and downs to any relationship, and yeah it sucks but that is true of my relationship with God as well; not because of Him because He never changes, but because of me. I fluctuate way more that I should. But I think a lot of that spiritual dryness comes from unrepentant sins. Shoot…..my pride, for instance. I tend to hold on pretty tight to that one. So, the cycle begins….I think highly of myself, pull from my own strength, fail miserably, and in my weariness I press into Him. All of this stemming from the fact that I rebel against Him and wont give over my selfishness.

Then, when things are good, and I am resting on that mountaintop, feeling so close to my Jesus in every moment, I slack. I’m close enough and my emotions are pretty satisfying, I tell myself. I don’t need the word in these moments. Huh. Pretty bogus if you ask me. No sugarcoating it: it’s laziness. Complete and utter spiritual laziness. I don’t like that I am like that sometimes. I long for change. I want consistency. Less about how I feel. More about responding to His love for me shown at the cross. More about committing to Him like He has committed to me. Unconditionally, relentlessly, complete and total agape.

I spent this past Sunday with two of my best friends, a young married couple. I’m not gonna drop names because they wouldn’t want an accolade. They’ve been married a bit over a year. I caught a glance at this girl’s Bible. It was beat up and highlighted like heck. No one could deny that thing had been poured over. What astounded me is that it had her new name on it. She couldn’t have had it much longer than a year, maybe a year and a half tops. I stared at it, almost dumbfounded. My friend, proud of his wife, looked at me, and then we both looked at her.

“It’s life”, she said.

This single question burns in me: I wonder what the enemy loves more:

Tempting me with habitual sin, watching me give in, and in my weariness seeking my Savior.

Or…

On my spiritual mountaintop, when I am feeling so close to my Savior, being completely fine with laziness and neglect of the word that He has preserved for me.

That, I do not know.

beautiful… I was in the same place on Sunday and that crazy looking prophet David Crowder reminded me, “But the harder I try the more clearly can I feel the depth of our fall and the weight of it all. And so this might could be the most impossible thing, your grandness in me making me clean”. I love that guy.

Comment by rebelbasewoodley October 13, 2008 @ 12:24 pm

Reply